Expectation.. An eleven letter word that carries much meaning at times. Like a pressing weight on your shoulders. It feels like something easy to control but lifting the weight off can be difficult. 

The biggest disappointments for me often come from expectations. Rushing ahead with thoughts, letting my imagination spiral and being far away from the ‘present’. It feels we have all been there, we have all been let down from expectations and allowed them to creep in. 

This is something I have struggled with. I am hard on myself, harder than anyone could ever be on me. I expect a lot, I would even say I am a perfectionist which can be my best attribute and worst enemy.

Many factors affect the expectation, the rising use of social media, the consistent comparisons to others, and other people placing their expectations on us. It seems that we set ourselves up to fail on many occasions. 

As I feel I have spent much of last year ‘behind schedule’, not fulfilling what I should have, not living up to others and my own expectations as a golfer. I think it’s important to realize some things happen in life and it’s important to know you might get knocked off the road for a little bit. But it is about getting back up. Not how long it takes, not immediately feeling like you must fulfil others expectations. Trying to enjoy the climb back up and admiring the hard work you have done to get there. 

It can be difficult, but I feel it is important to know that it is not just about achieving the results, living up to others expectations and what they want you to achieve. 

I have spent much time thinking about how to control this, how to enjoy areas of my life without demanding perfection and comparing myself to what I see on my phone. Everyone has a different journey, different timings for things in life and it feels that a constant reminder is needed to run your own race, and focus on setting your own manageable expectations, not those of society and others. 

I recently returned to competitive golf. I have worked extremely hard on and off the course. Returning was daunting, it carried a lot of emotions. It feels no matter how many times you tell yourself to go see where your game is at, to forget the scores and trust the process or to try to enjoy it again, expectations creep in. I’ve played golf since I was 6, trying to win every time I teed it up. After a long time away from competitive golf and being in such a bad place last year on the course, I made it my main goal to handle these expectations. That was my only goal for the week. I feel I did a good job, although it made me aware of how much expectation surrounds us. Articles written, seeing others scores, comparisons to others or texts received commenting and assumptions of how I might be feeling. 

Expectation is everywhere, it seems impossible to avoid.. the only thing to do, is learn to handle it and set your own.