The Road Back 

Getting back on track felt like a full time job for me. It was something I was committed to giving everything to. I knew the dark place that I had been in and I was determined to not go back there. In the past I always saw things going in a straight line up, I forgot that often, this isn’t the case. This was something I had to constantly remind myself on this journey. 

My full attention and commitment was placed on getting myself back, being happier and learning to find strategies to cope. I was focused on nothing else but this. I started to trial different things out and see what worked for me.

Getting a routine back really helped me. This was my first priority. I have always been a structured person and I feel that I lost this over the last year. The gym was the biggest thing for me at the start. I stopped training for a while but it almost felt like now I couldn’t miss a day. It didn’t matter what I did in the gym, it was going that really helped clear my head and offer consistency in my days. Somedays I did really tough sessions and others light, but it seemed being there with my headphones in, offered me such an amazing escape and boosted my mood tremendously. This was one of the first steps for me. 

Journaling was something I added into my routine again. I have dipped in and out of this over the last few years. I found it tough to do it daily, some days I felt like doing it and others not. But this time it was different, I’ve spent so much time in the last year with many thoughts in my head and this was my way to get it out. As I have mentioned before I don’t love talking about my feelings but this offered me a safe way to express them. Often it is hard to get started, but I got sent a book with prompts and this got me to think in a deeper way without having to ask myself the questions. 

Reading and podcasts have always been something I have enjoyed, but not made time for. I started to do a lot more of this as I spent less time on my phone. I enjoy reading and listening to others stories and being education by experts in their field. Since leaving college I felt like I almost stopped learning but by adding these in, I felt like I was learning again and it was helping me through my situation. Grief was something I hadn’t experienced before. Through this process I began to learn more and I felt I had a better understanding. 

Speaking to others was another change for me. I started to speak with my friends and family and I added sessions with a psychologist. I could feel myself open up more and more. For me this was a huge step in the right direction, I was hiding less and getting more accepting of where I was in this journey. 

I started to play golf again. I started by just playing some rounds with close friends. I didn’t start by practicing as my only goal was to enjoy it again. I slowly built it up over the weeks. After about 2 weeks, I introduced some lessons and swing work. Gradually doing more weekly. Although it was only for fun. Bad shots didn’t bother me, I was enjoying being with my friends and on a golf course again. I truly missed it. 

My theme with getting back on track was to do things slowly. I often rush things and want them to be perfect immediately. I felt I dipped my toes in slowly with everything I did. I didn’t put any pressure on myself. This time was about healing and it didn’t matter how quickly I got there. 

I felt I was gaining some control again and things truly were improving. I could see the hard work I was putting in paying off. There started to be less bad days.

4 responses to “The Road Back ”

  1. Olivia your firmly on the road back to a happier and contented life. In golfing terms your hitting more fairways and greens in regulation. Now we only require a few more putts to drop, and all will be well.


  2. Oliva,
    You have become an inspiration to me.
    Can’t wait to see you back competing.
    Love your blog, it has helped me in recent times.


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